Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
