i think my mom watched the whole time
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
