I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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