so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
