Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I puked a lego.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
