Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
