He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
