I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
