Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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