I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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