How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
