I want to have your abortion
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
