I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think my mom watched the whole time
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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