if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
