Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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