ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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