My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
