well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
