I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you traded sex for a burrito?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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