just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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