he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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