Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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