does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sober January is a disaster.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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