hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
