i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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