Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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