take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
