My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
