Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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