I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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