Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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