I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
