seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
