We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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