I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
