"it" just moved
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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