I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize