Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
