Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I supernannyed him into submission
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