dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
