i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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