Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
