i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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