She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
