dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
