I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
