i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
