I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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