Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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