if i died would you start the facebook group?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
