Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
