maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Boobs speak an international language.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
