i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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