I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
