i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
