This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
