She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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