how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
