I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The power of my boobs compel you
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I love you.
Bad choice
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
