Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
