I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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