she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
