So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
