Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
