i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
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