3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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