I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
